I am being such a fucking girl tonight. I have to say that this corresponds with also feeling vaguely adult: I got home, had a shower, washed my hair, twice, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized, ate real food, lit candles, poured wine, broke off some chocolate and settled into season three of the L Word. 

Contradicted by my day spent at work planing out my murder spree of every customer that came in. It was glorious and involves a pizza delivery at home for my alibi.

I feel like I will never be warm again. 

In 2011, I gained: independence

I lost: focus 

I stopped: living at home

I started: adventuring

I was hugely satisfied by: my friends support

And frustrated by: money 

I am so embarrassed that I: still can’t budget properly

Once again, I: took a risk

Once again, I did not: try

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is: my hair

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is: I am thinking older

I loved spending time: with the bro

Why did I spend even two minutes: hating co-workers?

I should have spent more time: planning 

I regret buying: anything from asos

I will never regret buying a plane ticket to Halifax even though with that money I could have flown to London

I was lonely way too much. I didn’t go out enough.  My job drove me crazy.

The most relaxing place I went was to bed

Why did I become addicted to netflix?

The best thing I did for someone else was be present

The best thing I did for myself was move out 

The best thing someone did for me was be around

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, plan my move and first few months of purchases/ having no job. 

READ THIS BOOK:

I had the most insane day at work and all I wanted to do was sleep. Silly me. I started reading this on the bus home and I can’t put it down. I love me a biography. I love anything with chef/restaurant culture. I haven’t even gotten to the part where he has cancer and loses 1/2 of his tongue, but it is so freaking good. Ugh, I need to sleep but I can’t #____insert trendy problem.

Also, when is this hashtag trend going to die? can it be soon? thanks. 

let’s talk about my 25th birthday. 

Yikes. It is three days later and I am still hurting. That is how you know you are old balls. 

I had been in a FOUL mood for three days and was not feeling like going out. I felt like sitting at home and sulking. Perhaps drinking alone, while eating pizza and watching netflix while loathing everything and everyone. I am dramatic like that. 

But a best friend, as they should, came over and gave me booze and Encyclopedia Brown books and took me to the best bar and we drank wine. 

So I was three glasses of wine and one/two vodkas in and I met up with work peeps at another bar a few blocks away. This is where things go awry. I started drinking doubles, got bought birthday tequila shots, and then more doubles… and then I smartened up and started drinking singles and got bought more drinks… we all see where this is going. 

There was karaoke. Fuck. I only did one song - can you believe they didn’t have any good rap? I was ready to blow some minds with some luda, beastie boys or Jay and there was fucking nothing - anyways I did Jefferson Airplanes White Rabbit, an all time fav, and can only remember singing one verse and one chorus then saying “I thought the song was longer” soon thereafter it was 4am and we were being kicked out. I had to run back to get a rogue mitten. 

Then I walked home, swaying from side to side on the sidewalk while uncontrollably hiccoughing. 

When I woke up the next morning it was to find that I hadn’t moved since I collapsed on my bed, my keys were in my front door, I was covered in hives with a rash all over my forehead and neck, my entire body hurt and I vomited.  

 I am entirely too old for this shit.

everything hurts. 

I dank all the booze.

All of it. 

I missed my blogs birthday again.

can you believe there were months (esp. 2009) when I would post over 80 posts? hahahaha, those were the days. I also love how this blog completely chronicles my many, many breakdowns. 

December 14th, I will try to catch you again next year. 

Also, I am getting smashed tomorrow night for my real birthday.

I just got irrationally angry because I couldn’t find my knitting needle that I was JUST using… clearly it was in my hair. Bathroom mirrors, finders of hidden objects since 1874.

more reasons why I suck at being an adult:

1) I just ate my first real “meal” in weeks aka not popcorn or fruit and I am going to throw up because my stomach is like “bitch why are you putting more than five bites of food in me at once?”

2) probably the reason for #1 but I am pretending my kitchen doesn’t exist. Let’s be clear that you can see my whole apartment from anywhere inside my apartment. I don’t have a kitchen. Why? because it looks like every dish I own is piled in and around my sink, and then more dishes are on my stove. I don’t have any clean dishes and be damned if I can actually garner the will to clean some. Like, they are not food encrusted or anything, I rinse then stack, but like, it’s been a while guys. So long that I just straight up bought more cups at the dollar store because, bitch please, like I was going to wash what I own*. I am like that single guy who just keeps buying new underwear so he doesn’t have to do laundry. I should also mention that I cleaned a pot,  a bowl and a fork for tonights dinner. Like, I didn’t clean anything else besides what I needed. 

3) I can’t afford a haircut. I can’t afford a lot of things, like name brand kraft dinner and real midol, but a freaking haircut?! my mom was like, “what do you want for christmas?” and I was like, “just a haircut” and she said that was sad, and I agreed. And listen, haircuts are expensive. There is this new trend where people charge 12-15 dollars EXTRA for long hair. That is lengthist. I am launching a suit. It’s been eight months! I just need to deal with this mess alright - I suppose I am being an  adult since I used to just take a razor to it myself and be super pleased with the results….. ugh

* I should mention that I broke 2 glasses so really, buying 2 new ones is not such a disgrace. And yes, I buy my glassware at the dollar store because they are square and awesome and come in full size and tumbler size and I don’t have to explain myself to you!

I should really just start using my twitter account, but here it is in 140 characters or less:

being an adult: making yourself wait to wrap presents until your place is spotless.